


Valentine's Day Gone Awry

by tonystarkssnipples



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Reality, Fluff, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:15:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3434915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarkssnipples/pseuds/tonystarkssnipples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony didn't forget <i>about</i> Valentine's day, he just forgot it was <i>today</i>.</p>
<p>Horrible title is horrible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Valentine's Day Gone Awry

**Author's Note:**

> I asked my tumblr followers to send me various Valentine's day themed prompts that I would then weave into one coherent fic.
> 
> We have:  
> Steve being a mush-ball for [therubywriter](http://therubywriter.tumblr.com/)  
> Tony forgetting Valentine's day for [nau-che-sea](http://nau-che-sea.tumblr.com/)  
> A villain ruining Valentine's day plans for [revivalofthedizzymartian](http://revivalofthedizzymartian.tumblr.com/)  
> Alternate reality with Steph and Toni for [i-am-nicolive](http://i-am-nicolive.tumblr.com/)  
> Love potion gone wrong for [avengersincamphalfbloodstardis](http://avengersincamphalfbloodstardis.tumblr.com/)  
> and  
> Slow dancing for anon
> 
> Also, sorry it's 500 years late.

Tony was shaken awake by two hundred pounds of nearly-naked Steve standing with his legs on either side of Tony’s hips, bouncing. Rubbing his eyes, he squinted up at Steve.

“Whu? Steve it’s early.”

Steve fell to the bed beside Tony, who was currently attempting to bring the comforter over his head to block out the sunlight. “Don’t be such a grump, old man,” Steve teased. When Tony did nothing but grunt, Steve snaked his arm around Tony’s waist and blew a raspberry into the place where his neck and shoulder met.

“Steve stop, that tickles. You’re all stubbly.”

“Make me.”

“You are going to regret those words, Steve Rogers.”

“Am I?”

Tony groaned—he wasn’t getting back to sleep—and rolled over, effectively stopping Steve’s tickle crusade by lying on his chest and sucking on his bottom lip. Tony lived for these moments, half asleep and madly in love, with Steve’s hands running along his body. It was a certain level of bliss that he’d never had before Steve.

“Wow, I love you.” Tony dropped his head to Steve’s shoulder.

“I love you, too. That’s why I married you.”

“I thought it was for my money.”

“Oh, it was definitely for your money.”

Tony slapped Steve’s naked chest and rolled off of him, darting out of bed. Steve followed after him down the hall. For Tony’s pride, Steve waited a bit before he caught up with him. He grabbed Tony around the waist and lifted him square off the ground, kissing his jaw.

“I don’t like to be manhandled!” Tony whined as Steve carried him to the elevator.

“But you’re so small and it’s fun to manhandle you.”

“Put me down!” Tony whined.

“Okay.” Steve put him down for a second before throwing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“Steve!” In a helpless attempt to be set free, Tony began flailing. “Put me down! I don’t like being manhandled. Steve! Steeeeeeeeve!”

“Oh shut it, you love being man handled. You love it when I pin you to the bed and fuck you until your eyes are rolling into the back of your head and you’re a whimpering mess.”

They were in the kitchen now and, even though it was ridiculously early, they weren’t as alone as Steve had assumed.

“Hello everyone,” he greeted awkwardly, placing Tony down on the ground.

“Keep your gross sex life out of the kitchen and we’ll pretend this never happened,” Bruce said, flipping the pancakes. Pancakes shaped like hearts. Hearts. There were hearts everywhere. Hearts, why were hearts—

“Holy shit,” Tony breathed, zoning in on the pancakes. If he stared at the pancakes and not at his friends, they wouldn’t see him. “It’s Valentine’s Day,” he whispered to himself. “That’s why you’ve been all mushy!”

“Tony you didn’t… you forgot about Valentine’s Day?”

“I didn’t forget about Valentine’s Day, I just forgot that it was… today,” he finished lamely.

“I see.”

“Steve, don’t—”

“I’m actually not really in the mood for breakfast today. I’ll see you all later.”

“Steve, I’m sorry!” Tony called after his husband, but Steve was already gone.

“You done fucked up.” Clint used his fork, piece of pancake still attached, to point at Tony. “And you better fix it.”

Tony groaned and pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “I didn’t forget about Valentine’s Day!” Tony repeated. “Thor and I have this awesome—wait, where’s Thor? I can fix this in a second if I can just find… Thor!”

“Good morning, Tony!” Thor greeted when he came into the room. He took the stool next to Clint’s and began serving himself pancakes. “Everything is in place for Steve’s surprise later today.”

“Nope, not later today. Right fucking now. C’mon big guy,” Tony said, grabbing at Thor’s arm.

“Let me finish eating first. One can not conjure that sort of power on an empty stomach.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Natasha warned. “What kind of power are you two conjuring? Last time—”

“Was a freak accident,” Tony assured. “This time everything will be fine. And you finish up your eatin’,” Tony pointed to Thor. “I’ll go get clothes that aren’t just underwear on. Meet in my workshop in fifteen. Go team!”

He ran upstairs, desperate to get dressed and find Steve before Steve spiraled. Once he got to the room, he realized he was too late. Steve was sitting on the shower floor as the water hit him.

“Honey?”

“Tony, please go away.”

“No, Steve, I swear that I had something prepared for you and it is amazing, but I forgot that I was supposed to give it to you today. We just have to get dressed and go down to the workshop and—”

“And you’ll give me some doohickey that you made just for me and it will do something wildly inappropriate when I’m least expecting it and when I get angry with you, you’ll just get all quiet and say ‘I thought you’d think it was funny’.”

“That was… okay, that’s happened multiple times. But it won’t happen this time I swear. You’re going to like this one. Please just… let’s get dressed and go down to the workshop.”

“Fine.”

Tony handed Steve a towel then went to get himself some clothes. The two dressed in silence until Tony finished and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’m sorry I’m being a grump.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I forgot that it was today, but I really do have something awesome planned. I promise.”

Steve slung his arm around Tony’s shoulder and pulled him close, kissing the side of his forehead. “I believe you, honey. You said it’s in the workshop?”

“Yup. Let’s go.”

The elevator ride down to the workshop consisted of Steve groping Tony’s ass and whispering about all the things he planned to do to him later that night. It took all of Tony’s willpower not to lock down the elevator and fuck Steve on the spot. Then he remembered Thor waiting for them and pushed the thought aside.

“I was starting to worry you were not coming,” Thor said when they stepped out of the elevator.

“Yeah. Muscles here was in the shower. Sorry,” Tony explained, genuinely sounding sorry. “But we’re here now. And it seems everyone else is, as well.” Sure enough, the rest of the team were perched at various points around his workshop. “You know, there was a time when only I was allowed down here.”

“And that time died when you have Thor conjuring power of some sort down here. If something happens, we need to be on hand.”

Tony laughed. “JARVIS would alert you all.”

“And then we’d have to stop what we were doing to get down here. It’s fine. We’ll just watch,” Natasha explained.

“I’m not a big fan of magic or anything,” Clint said, “But I’m curious as to what exactly you plan to do.”

“It will be a lot simpler to show than to tell,” Tony said, walking Steve up to Thor. Steve, surprisingly, had said nothing. Steve always had something to say. About everything. “Thor… do your thing.”

And that is when Thor began saying some words that definitely weren’t English (and not any other of the various languages Tony spoke) and this hole started opening up out of thin air. Tony tried not to think of the wormhole he went through during the Battle of New York, but it was hard. He just squeezed Steve’s hand and tried to stay grounded.

“You may now step through when you’re ready.”

“Ready?” Tony asked, looking at Steve.

“I trust you,” was all Steve answered. They started towards the portal when something big, green, and oozy crashed through the window. Everyone turned towards the sound, diverting Thor’s attention from the portal, and before they knew what was happening, Steve and Tony were being sucked inside.

They were thrown around before landing unceremoniously on the ground of a place that wasn’t Tony’s workshop.

“Where are we?” Tony groaned. It looked _similar_ to the workshop, but not nearly as technologically advanced. He sat up and leaned against a desk, Steve following suit.

“I don’t know! The portal was your idea!” Steve shouted. 

“Okay, okay. But this isn’t where we were supposed to go!”

“Where were we supposed to go, exactly,” Steve spat.

“Look, it was something I thought you’d really want. I was going to let you see your old friends and say goodbye. It wouldn’t alter the time continuum or whatever because they would all think it’s a dream, but you would remember and be able to have some closure. This,” Tony gestured around the room, “is not where we were supposed to end up.”

Steve deflated, leaned in, and kissed Tony gently. “Thank you. We’ll figure this out. Stranger things have happ—”

“Who the fuck are you and what are you doing here?” a woman asked. Tony turned around to see a woman in her twenties holding a gun to his head. She had long dark hair and, wait, what was that in her chest—

“Is that… arc reactor technology under your shirt?” he asked, getting to his feet. He reached towards her chest, then realized that was probably not the best idea.

“How do you know about arc reactor technology!” she demanded.

“My dad invented it. I mean, I’m the one who miniaturized it and put it… here, let me show you.” Tony lifted up his shirt to show her the glowing blue circle in the middle of his chest. The woman dropped the gun on the table and pulled down the neckline of her tank-top.

“My dad invented it. I miniaturized it. What’s your name?”

“Tony Stark.”

The woman threw back her head and cackled. “I’m Toni Stark. Now really, who are you?”

“No, I’m Tony with a y.”

Toni’s eyes went wide. “You know they say that there are infinite alternate realities and dimensions. Do you have a Thor?”

“Yeah. He’s—”

“She’s,” Toni corrected.

“Ours is a he… but yeah. He was helping me give Steve here a Valentine’s Day gift and then some big green thing burst in and I guess he got distracted because we ended up here.”

“What’s Valentine’s Day?”

“It’s where—”

“What’s going on down here?” another woman demanded, taking the stairs three at a time, bursting into the lab. “Who are they?”

“I’m Tony Stark, and this is my husband Steve Rogers,” Tony explained, calmly.

“She’s Toni Stark,” the woman pointed to Toni. “So who are you really?”

“We think they’re from an alternate dimension,” Toni explained. “Where I’m a man and… wait, did you say his name was Steve?”

Steve spoke for the first time since Toni had arrived. “Yeah, my name is Steve.”

“Well, I guess that’s boy you, then,” Toni gestured towards the other woman. “Steph, meet Steve.”

“Oh this is so fucked up,” Tony groaned. “We have to get back. Does your Thor have the ability to conjure portals or whatever and get us home.”

“Possibly,” Toni thought. “Steph, I’m going to get Thor. You just drink what’s in that cup—it’s the smoothie you had asked for and I made—and I’ll go find Thor.”

“Okay,” Steph just shrugged and grabbed the smoothie, chugging it down.

“Watch them,” Toni demanded.

“Oh I am.” Steph winked at Tony, who’s brow creased in confusion. Toni left, leaving Tony, Steve, and Steph alone in the room. “You’re very handsome,” Steph said. She was way too close for Tony’s comfort and she was starting to run his fingers through his hair.

“He’s spoken for,” Steve interjected, physically picking up Tony and moving him away from Steph. It only deterred Steph for a moment before she was running after Tony.

“But he’s so handsome. I want to keep him,” Steph purred and, okay, she was _way_ too close for comfort.

“I’m flattered, really, but… I’m married. To him.” Tony pointed to Steve. “And I love him very much.”

“Well I love you very much,” Steph whispered. “And I think I’m going to keep you.” The woman lunged forward and tackled Tony, knocking them both to the ground. Her blonde hair created a curtain around them, but it was no secret that she was kissing him.

“Get off of him!” Steve shouted, pulling her away. “Stay away from my husband.”

“He kissed me back!” Steph accused.

“No I didn’t!”

“You totally did!”

“Steve, I swear to you that I did not kiss her back.

“I believe you, sweetheart.”

“Why don’t you believe you?” Steph insisted.

“Huh?”

“I’m you, just with tits and a vagina. Would you lie about him kissing back?”

“You’re not making any sense,” Steve groaned.

“None of this makes sense! I’m Steph Rogers and I’m looking at Steve Rogers who’s married to Tony Stark.” She turned and made eyes at Tony, who was still on the floor.

“No. No no no no no no,” Tony said, jumping up and away from Steph. “I am married and I love my husband very much.”

“I’m him. And I’m a girl. When’s the last time you slept with a woman?” she asked, successfully backing him into a corner. 

“It’s been a few years,” Tony said, trying to duck out of the way and failing. He literally had nowhere to go.

“Do you remember what it’s like?” She leaned in close to him and put her mouth to his ear. “Do you _want_ to remember what it’s like?”

He could feel her breath on him, hot and wet. “Uh, no. I know what I signed up for when I married a man.”

“But I’m him. There’s no difference.”

“There are a few major differences that I notice,” Tony said, eyes regretfully trailing down to her breasts, then snapping back up to her eyes. “Steve?”

“Yeah?” Tony hadn’t realized he was so close.

“Can you please remove her?”

“With pleasure.” Steve picked her up as if she weighed no more than a piece of paper and moved her away from the wall, allowing Tony to escape.

“My Steve was never so forward with strangers,” Tony said. “Except for that time when… oh. Oh!” Tony hit himself in the head. “I’m stupid in all dimensions, it seems.”

“No, you’re perfect in all dimensions,” Steph hissed.

“Shut up,” Tony demanded. “Steph, just shut the fuck up. I… goddammit.” Tony started walking back and forth, muttering to himself. “So we’re stuck in an alternate dimension and female me gave female Steve a love potion, the same thing Steve got hit with and started flirting with everyone and being all gross. Toni must have… Toni must have wanted to… but we’re the same, so… fuck.”

“Okay, I only caught bits and pieces of that, but something about the love spell I was hit with back when we first got together?” Steve asked. He officially had Steph wrapped up in his arms and she struggled to get away and to Tony.

“The smoothie. I think Toni was trying to give Steph a love potion—I guess we’re not together in this dimension—but Toni wasn’t here and Steph saw me, and I have the same DNA as Toni, so it backfired.”

“Well fuck,” Steve gaped, momentarily forgetting that he was holding down Steph. She broke free and ran to Tony, actually sticking her hand down the front of his pants.

“Woah, there!” Tony said, yanking her hand out. “No.”

“Why not? Toni likes sex. Don’t you like sex?”

“Yes, I do. But I prefer to have sex with my husband. Have you… have you had sex with Toni?”

“No. I used to want to, but now all I want is you.”

“Definitely a love potion gone wrong,” Steve agreed, once again pulling Steph away from Tony. “You’re going to go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over here,” he carried her to the other side of the room “And Tony is going to stay way over there.”

“Oh, Tony, don’t you want it waaaaaaaaaay up here?” she asked and honest to god grabbed her crotch.

“I’m going to look for Toni and Thor!” Tony panicked and ran from the workshop. When he got to the top of the stairs, he found his female counterpart and a Thor with breasts arguing. He didn’t catch what it was about, but he grabbed Toni’s arm and yanked her away.

“You gave Steph a love potion.”

“Yeah? And?”

“And, you dumb ass, we have the same DNA! She’s molesting me down there!”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. ‘Oh’.”

“Thor, how soon can we get rid of them?” Toni hissed.

“As soon as you wish,” while feminine, Thor’s voice still carried the same sense of power and authority that it always did.

“Now.” Tony and Toni said at the same moment.

When they got back to the lab, Steph was sobbing and Steve was holding her. The moment the she laid eyes on the Tonys, she jumped up.

“Toni?”

“Yeah?” They both said.

“No, girl Toni.”

“Oh thank god,” Tony sighed, running to Steve. “Let’s go home.”

“Yes, please.”

Thor opened a portal and Steve and Tony jumped through it. They landed on the floor, just like the first time, only this time it was a very familiar floor.

“We’re back!” Tony shouted, kissing the floor. “We’re home. See that dent in the floor there? My head made that dent! Oh gosh I love that dent. I’ve never been more happy to see a dent in my whole life!”

“I wonder how long we’ve been gone,” Steve mused. Tony looked around. There was no longer a hole in the wall where the ooze monster broke through.

“Jesus. Well, let’s go find everyone.”

They went up the stairs side my side, looking for anyone. The eventually found the team in the debrief room, talking about some plan.

“What’s up, my fellow Avengers?” Tony asked.

“You’re back!” Bruce said. “Oh thank god, you’re back.”

“How long have we been gone?”

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks? We were only with them for, what, maybe an hour?” Tony asked Steve.

“It felt like eons. Watching her touch you like that.” Steve shook his head. “We’ll see you all for debrief tomorrow. Right now I have Valentine’s Day date with my husband.”

Once they were in the elevator, Tony looked Steve dead in the eyes and said, “Please tell me this date is just sex.”

Throwing his arm around Tony’s shoulders, Steve pulled him in and kissed his temple. “That’s part of it. JARVIS?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Stop the elevator. Dim the lights. Play the song.”

The elevator jerked to a halt, the lights dimmed, and—

“This is our wedding song.”

“It is. Now, take off your shoes.”

Tony did as requested, falling into Steve’s arms. “You’re such a cheese ball. Barefoot dancing to our wedding song on Valentine’s day?”

“If I could, I’d marry you all over again. Now, dance with me.”


End file.
